Here I am, Lord.

7/31/2012 - To wrap my mind around the fact that God is entrusting me to be a mother (our little baby is currently the size of a lentil) boggles my mind and heart and tear ducts into one mushy puddle.

T$ and I found out 16 days ago that we're going to be parents. This Thursday, we get to see it's fast and tiny heartbeat.

My mother bear hormones are slowly growing in my heart and taking over my logical side of worry over my new job and uncertain future. God is in control as always and I am simply here to do His will and glorify Him in my life. In some ways, I'm glad this little lentil was an unplanned surprise. It's allowing me to live out my conviction that Christ knows me better than I know myself and is entrusting me with His creation! That thought alone brings tears to my eyes.

The lyrics of the song that got me thinking and smiling over this little baby quietly growing inside me...

Here I am Lord
All I am Lord
Here I am Lord
I am yours
- Gungor (Every Breath)

some news to share

July 15th - just your typical Sunday afternoon is when everything changed for my T$ and I.  I had just signed my contract for teaching three days earlier and was excited to hear that they had received it and everything was "a go" for my next school year. Yet, for some reason I felt like I should take a pregnancy test. And unlike all the other times I have taken a pregnancy test (more so just to reassure my irrational mind that I am not pregnant) this one came back POSITIVE.

Before this very moment if you had asked me if I was ready for little ones, I would have said "yes" without hesitation. Now, I had a positive test staring me in the face and my reaction was not what I had anticipated.

Yes, I am so excited and honored that Christ would entrust me and T$ to care for a piece of His creation.

Yes, I have ALWAYS wanted to be a mama.

Yes, T$ and I have been married for almost three years.

Yes, I was done with grad school.

But the reality of actually being depended on for life and nourishment and spiritual feeding scared me to death all in that moment. So instead of telling my unaware T$ in some romantical, pinterest-y way, I shouted at him from the bathroom. Shouted over and over and over until he bound up the stairs, saw the tears streaming down my face in shock and happiness and fear. He held me in his arms. Put the pregnancy test far from my reach. All I could say over and over and over was, "Oh my gosh!" and "Why are you so calm?!" To which T$ would reply, "Because I am sooo excited!"

We've been quietly and happily sharing the news ever since with our closest friends and family. This will be the first niece or nephew, grand-baby, and great-grandbaby for all of our family members. My 6 year old cousin John-Jo excitedly proclaimed that he would like to visit our new baby wearing a cape, sword, and shield and that he would bring something for his new cousin as well.

And now I happily and excitedly share the news with the rest of the world.

Our baby is 12 weeks and 4 days old and growing quietly and carefully in my womb. I am a blessed mama and I have only been one for 3 months. If you're reading this, please pray for this little one, T$, and me.

Baby H is expected to make his/her arrival March 23, 2013!

8 weeks in the Badlands, South Dakota

for thine ears

T$ and I have some dear friends, that you may have heard who put together a group named Ivan & Alyosha. They're simply quality men who sing and play their instruments - a noise which I am sure is pleasing to the Lord. And their wives are some of my favorite people around.

There are four of them: Pete, Ryan, Tim, and Tim. I have a thing with alphabetical order. You should ask me about it sometime (eeimmost).

Anyway, this post is not about me, but about them and my new favorite song. I'm a sucker for lyrics and here is an excerpt from my new favorite tune to hit my ears...

If I could wake my crooked heart
If I was there right from the start
To feel what it was like to be turned on. 


If you could fight the battle and win, 
To miss the mark, correct within
If your wish came true, your dreams made real. 


Running for cover. 
Running to hide. 


If I could be a wiser man, 
To rest my head and trust the plan, 
Been fighting like a child to get my way. 


If I could see the garden place, 
Before the fall would things have changed?
I wasn't there and neither were you, 
but I take the blame as you should too my friend. 
-Ivan & Alyosha  (Disclaimer: Sorry sorry if I didn't get the lyrics 100% correct...did my best to type what I heard). 


And you can download their demo EP for free here!

morning playlist

T$ and I have different music tastes, it's true. Our middle ground seems to lie somewhere in country, worship, and some popular music. Marriage - it's all about teamwork and compromise.

Here is a sample of our typical morning playlist that helps us get ready and leave the house on time to our perspective occupations:

1. Mister Rogers Autotune Remix. Check it. Most favorite new song out there. Don't hurt my feelings by saying you don't like it. OK? OK.

2. Josh Turner  - thank you Mr. & Mrs. Wheaton for introducing this one to us. 

3. LeCrae (for T$)

4. Phil Wickham

And since I am currently longing for a banjo of my own and a long time appreciator of Nickel Creek (and Chris Thile and his mandolin) - I purchased his Punch Brothers album this morning and am currently soaking up all of that musical goodness while trying to wrap up my online class. Oh procrastination. You and I have been friends since the early 90's. 

oh, the past.

So I know that T$ and I were not the only ones watching The Bachelorette on this Monday night. Although I may be one of the few wives lucky enough to view the show in my cozy pajamas, homemade cherry crisp, and my love by my side (who in his defense spent most of the show perusing dream houses online). I almost gagged to death when that Ryan character read off his list of qualities he hopes to find in his dream wife. I don't think that the awkward soundtrack helped at all. And the even stranger camera angles. ANYWAY,  it reminded me that I was probably being a bit hypocritical towards the television as I recalled that I had at one point made a list like this.

I ran upstairs and dug out a journal from my pre-T$ days. I found my list tucked in between studying abroad in London and before I realized I loved T$. It was at a time when I was single. VERY single. Little did I know that my husband would be the next man I would date just a short seven months after the entry. Here's what I wrote...

May 22, 2006 - He is not too attractive, blue eyed, college grad, semi-fashionable, good with kids, drinker of coffee, childish, organized, Taco Bell eater, lover of travel, reader of good books, loves old jazz music. He plays basketball and gets things accomplished. He can find the Big Dipper. Always reading the Bible. He loves his parents and keeps his promises and has messy handwriting. He has a goofy sense of humor. He is quiet. A thinker. It's hard to get him to open up but when he speaks, people listen. Above all, he passionately desires Christ. He's quirky, imperfect. He works hard. He is not too sensitive. His yes = yes and his no = no but he'll compromise when necessary. And he found me in an unexpected way. Our romance is simple - focused on Christ and each other. He surprises me with vanilla lattes and studies with me. He isn't a science major. He likes to camp, hike, fish. He is the first to admit his mistakes and stands firm in his faith. God - help me to be worthy of him. 


I could not tell you where many of these qualities came from. I don't remember and I don't really care. Why did I feel compelled to write a list? Who knows. T$ may not fit the bill 100% with what my 20 year old heart thought it needed at the time. Blue eyes? I'll take his chocolate brown ones any day. And no, he doesn't drink coffee but that just means so much more to me when I hear the coffee grinder whirring away in the kitchen - knowing that his sole purpose in making coffee is for me.

The more important aspects I penned in my list - are T$ to a tee. And he can even find the Big Dipper.

Somewhere in the journal I also found a letter from my dear friend, Madeline:

March 2006 - You just need to wait to get into a guy until you know that it's something special and good. Not something "perfect", mind you but rather something that just fits YOU so well...you don't want to be away from it ever again. Where you feel your insecurities being fitted together with his imperfections and everything coming together...someone who has your humor to a tee. Someone that you can honestly say, "This is God's BEST for me..." It'll come dear, don't worry. 


Looking back, I don't remember being so worried about being alone. It's funny to me now. I wonder and hope that I did not miss out on too much of that year.

Thankful for T$.

Thankful for today.

Our life without pets, children, and the official end of grad school right around the corner. No teaching job (for me) and who knows if I will find one for the upcoming school year. For today, I will find comfort and peace knowing that God is present in this moment and already in the future, prepared for whatever may come our family's way.

wall "art"

Now that I am a regular old substitute teacher AND have a three week break between grad school classes, I suddenly have found time to tap into my "artistic" side. Ha. Kind of. A little.

Today I took this $9 tea towel I bought at West Elm with my mammo and sister.

Bought a frame from Pottery Barn (the splurge).

Combined the two with some some spray glue.

And made art for the kitchen wall!

weekly gratitude

• Probably one of the most important THANK YOU's is for my cousin Tommy. He is breathing fresh, natural, not out-of-the-tank oxygen. And looking better than ever. Can't wait to see him (in real life) soon!

Photo taken by my pops

• Thank you for a week off from teaching. I have loved sleeping in, watching the Today Show, knitting, seeing friends, taking care of Agnes Louise, making dinners for my husband, reading books, having time to do homework. I feel refreshed. 

• Thank you for a long term substitute job! I start Monday and although am a bit nervous, I am excited to move on to the next step of having my own classroom. 

• And the most important thank you for the blessing of what today is and what it means for the true Christian faith...

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” After Jesus said this, he looked toward heaven and prayed: “Father, the hour has come. Glorify your Son, that your Son may glorify you. For you granted him authority over all people that he might give eternal life to all those you have given him. Now this is eternal life: that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent." - John 16:33, 17:1-3

Day 1 - Here we go

I'm not overweight. I get it. BUT (and I say this a lot) I desire to be the best 26 year self I can be. I feel like I should be in the best shape of my life and I'm not. Why not? Well, I used to blame this, but I can't anymore. It's almost two years since the accident AND I've had the hardware out since last July so there are simply no more excuses. But I'm also busy with this and this. STILL, I should make time. It's not like I'm busy with this or this yet.

So here are the events I have to look forward to to encourage me to workout...

May 12th - running a 5k.

May 26th - one of my best friends is getting married. 

June, July, August - swimsuit, shorts season.

These three things and the simple fact that I want to be fit all serve as my motivators for working out and getting in shape.

And yes, I have the awful "before" photos but I don't think they'll ever see the light of day UNLESS I have some great "after" shots to show the world. And still, then, they will probably never see the light of day.

Here's what I found that I plan to employ to help me out on my journey. 

Happy Wednesday to all!

The original before photo from my old work's
"Biggest Loser" weight loss contest.
 This was taken more than 2 years ago.
Before the accident.
Before grad school.
Before a lot of things. :)

Mason Jar Sewing Kit

Thanks to spring break, I finally had the time to gather the materials and create my mason jar sewing kit that I have been wanting to make for awhile now. Here are the materials you will need...

And then Agnes hopped on the table. Bad Agnes...

Take the sealer off the Mason Jar and trace the sealer on the cardboard.

 Ta-Da! I can trace!

 Then take the fabric and measure out one inch from the sealer for the fabric. I didn't have a compass (which probably would work best) so I made dots around the edge at the 1 inch mark on my fabric.

 Fabric with the 1-inch dots. (Plug in your glue gun at this point).

Cut out the cardboard and the fabric. Make sure you cut the cardboard on the INSIDE of your line as this cardboard will need to fit in the mason jar lid. 

Get some fluff! But not too much fluff. This will create the pincushion for your sewing kit. 

 Stack it like so: Fabric, fluff, cardboard. Get the lid ready to go. 

Grab your warmed up hot glue gun and glue the inner rim of the lid and quickly press the cardboard and fabric into the lid. Hold in place as it dries & cools. 

Once it is dry, hot glue the extra fabric on the cardboard. I had a bunch of overlapping fabric and cut out what I could before hot gluing. 

Once your lid is read, hot glue the sealer and flip it onto the lid. Hold in place while it dries. Make sure the ridges of the lid are visible so that your new lid will screw onto the Mason Jar. 

 Finished product! The jar is ready to be filled up with spools, needles, and scissors. The lid is ready to be used as a pincushion!

Progress

I'm going to let you all in on a little secret about me and T$. We're NOT the world's most organized individuals and we're downright messy a lot of the time. Not dirty, just messy and cluttered.

I know, I know...what in the world?!

I'm sure your entire perspective of us has changed.

If your entire world just crumbled around you, I am sincerely sorry.

No, wait.

If you know us at all you probably already knew that secret. And you probably know that it's really not a secret.

But here's the real secret, T$ and I WISH we were more organized on a daily basis and are diligently working towards that goal. The first step on our organization journey was to purchase a home with room to grow (check) and the next step is to organize this new, wonderful abode to meet our organizational  needs. For me, an item has to have a home to live in for me to want to put it there.

Here is the story of the closet. Our previous home (a one bedroom apartment) may have been very tiny but it housed an extremely large walk-in closet in which I promptly shoved all of my clothes and shoes (and sometimes sacks of rice and potatoes) into. It was nice because I could shut the door and pretend like nothing behind the door existed except each morning and night when I wrestled with it to produce an outfit (or a cup of rice). Our new home has a much smaller closet, even though it's a much larger home. This has proved to be a challenge to my "style" of shoving everything behind closed doors so that it looks clean because now everything doesn't fit unless it's perfectly folded and put away.

The only before shot of the closet when we first moved in. All marriage counselors reading this...don't worry, the TV was only temporarily in the bedroom. It has since been relocated downstairs. 

Thankfully, T$ is far along on the path of organizational self-awareness and realized we needed a fix to our situation. We decided a change was needed. So I took all out clothes and dumped them into the library or on the bed to give my husband room to work (I'm a very helpful wife).

We had to sleep on our pull out couch a few nights as our bed was preoccupied. 

Library not being used as a library. 

Once the clothes were out of the way, T$ measured out and designed a new closet layout.

T$ - beholding his creation of plywood and nails and glue.

The drawers - eager to be filled with properly folded clothes. 

 He then carried it up the stairs and installed it with the help of Mr. Jefe Kaas.

I helped by purchasing these drawer organizers from Bed, Bath, and Beyond with my 20% off coupon in hand...

Our visiting kitten, Agnes, also did her best to pitch in and help...

It's still a work in progress (finished photo to come at a later date) but it's already improved the quality of our life together - no more fighting with the closet to come up with clothes to wear or where to find it. Our library is also looking forward to being utilized as a library once again. No Costco sized bags of rice here. 

Tea with T($)

I'll be perfectly honest. I love marriage. I love the companionship that I have found in my best friend. Through the good times and the bad I have been very blessed with a man who allows me to be the feminine wife. He may not always be the best at remembering traditional "wife" duties while I've been in grad school (like laundry folding and toilet cleaning) but I've also grown (MOSTLY) accustomed to the piles of clean clothes and cleaning the toilets myself when I have a free moment on the weekend.

Last weekend, T$ won "husband of the week" award when he sucked it up like a real man and booked us a couple's getaway to cute and romantic Victoria, B.C. It gave us a chance to do not a whole lot except read, shop, eat, eat, drink tea, watch movies, and discover a museum - all under the mild rays of sunshine. It was the perfect post-TPA, pre long term substitute teaching vacation I could ask for. The strangest part to our vacation was driving home to snow and getting stuck in our neighborhood...what the...?!

Looking out from the Royal BC Museum

All in all, I feel refreshed. And loved. And ready to finish up my student teaching with the enthusiasm that I started with.

P.S. One of the favorite quotes I read this weekend from Mindy Kaling's book, "C'Mon Married People...I don't want to hear the work it takes to plan a date night. I want to hear that you guys watch every episode of The Bachelorette together in secret shame...I want to see you guys high-five each other like teammates on a recreational softball team you both do for fun. I want to hear about it because I know it's possible, and because I want it for myself...And I'm not saying that marriage should always be easy. But we seem to get so gloomily worked up about it these days. In the Shakespearean comedies, the wedding is the end, and there isn't much indication of what happily ever after will look like day to day. In real life, shouldn't a wedding be an awesome party you throw with your great pal, in the presence of a bunch your other friends? A great day, for sure, but not the beginning and certainly not the end of your friendship with a person you can't wait to talk about gardening with for the next forty years."

P.P.S. If I may add, that this is so much easier and possible with Christ and individual desires to serve Him and each other. That's all. The End.

our february

So, it's true. I blog nearly every day but it is because I have to and it's for a grade. This blog is neither of those things and thus gets neglected. Both mine and T$'s birthdays are in February so I decided that deserves a blog entry (even though I should be working on my TPA right now...).

For my birthday, T$ surprised me with a great friend's dinner at Assaggio, a movie (The Artist), and a night spent downtown at the Westin. Through the business and overwhelming nature of school and student teaching, the mini-vacation was wonderful and peaceful and sunny! We wrapped up the month celebrating T$'s birthday at our little home with friends, food, and UW basketball. My dad's birthday, the Super Bowl, Suncadia, and Valentine's Day were all celebrated heartily as well.

Birthday morning crumpet (T$'s 1st ever)

Pike Place Market - spring is on its way!

Apparently one of Elle's favorite banjo players - Squirrel Butter

Mr. Henry - the cutest Super Bowler I had the privilege of spending the day with. 

Apparently taking pictures of cups is all the rage of Valentine's Day (according to Emily)

Birthday sunset at Mammo's 

Happy Birthday to T$ and me. One year closer to 30. Yikes. 

1.17.2012

I woke up at 3am (no snow).

4am (no snow).

5am my alarm went off - hopped in the shower. Popped in the contacts. Headed downstairs to do a quick lesson planning (oops...the weatherman said it would snow so I had put it off).

Answered my cell phone at 5:15am - SCHOOL CLOSED.

Headed back to bed with soaking wet hair. But I did NOT care.

And now we have at least an inch of snow. Better late than never!!!!

The End.

new year. clean slate.

Resolutions I intend to keep:

Complete 1 Pinterest DIY per month. 

Knit more often and learn new techniques. 

Go on more outdoor adventures.

Cook more creatively. 

Finish organizing this room. 

Learn to use my Christmas gift for our home. 

Finish a 30 day session with J. 

Bonus: take more photos, become a teacher, diligently remain in Scripture & prayer, stop procrastinating.