7/31/2012 - To wrap my mind around the fact that God is entrusting me to be a mother (our little baby is currently the size of a lentil) boggles my mind and heart and tear ducts into one mushy puddle.
T$ and I found out 16 days ago that we're going to be parents. This Thursday, we get to see it's fast and tiny heartbeat.
My mother bear hormones are slowly growing in my heart and taking over my logical side of worry over my new job and uncertain future. God is in control as always and I am simply here to do His will and glorify Him in my life. In some ways, I'm glad this little lentil was an unplanned surprise. It's allowing me to live out my conviction that Christ knows me better than I know myself and is entrusting me with His creation! That thought alone brings tears to my eyes.
The lyrics of the song that got me thinking and smiling over this little baby quietly growing inside me...
Here I am Lord
All I am Lord
Here I am Lord
I am yours
- Gungor (Every Breath)
16 September 2012
11 September 2012
some news to share
July 15th - just your typical Sunday afternoon is when everything changed for my T$ and I. I had just signed my contract for teaching three days earlier and was excited to hear that they had received it and everything was "a go" for my next school year. Yet, for some reason I felt like I should take a pregnancy test. And unlike all the other times I have taken a pregnancy test (more so just to reassure my irrational mind that I am not pregnant) this one came back POSITIVE.
Before this very moment if you had asked me if I was ready for little ones, I would have said "yes" without hesitation. Now, I had a positive test staring me in the face and my reaction was not what I had anticipated.
Yes, I am so excited and honored that Christ would entrust me and T$ to care for a piece of His creation.
Yes, I have ALWAYS wanted to be a mama.
Yes, T$ and I have been married for almost three years.
Yes, I was done with grad school.
But the reality of actually being depended on for life and nourishment and spiritual feeding scared me to death all in that moment. So instead of telling my unaware T$ in some romantical, pinterest-y way, I shouted at him from the bathroom. Shouted over and over and over until he bound up the stairs, saw the tears streaming down my face in shock and happiness and fear. He held me in his arms. Put the pregnancy test far from my reach. All I could say over and over and over was, "Oh my gosh!" and "Why are you so calm?!" To which T$ would reply, "Because I am sooo excited!"
We've been quietly and happily sharing the news ever since with our closest friends and family. This will be the first niece or nephew, grand-baby, and great-grandbaby for all of our family members. My 6 year old cousin John-Jo excitedly proclaimed that he would like to visit our new baby wearing a cape, sword, and shield and that he would bring something for his new cousin as well.
And now I happily and excitedly share the news with the rest of the world.
Our baby is 12 weeks and 4 days old and growing quietly and carefully in my womb. I am a blessed mama and I have only been one for 3 months. If you're reading this, please pray for this little one, T$, and me.
Before this very moment if you had asked me if I was ready for little ones, I would have said "yes" without hesitation. Now, I had a positive test staring me in the face and my reaction was not what I had anticipated.
Yes, I am so excited and honored that Christ would entrust me and T$ to care for a piece of His creation.
Yes, I have ALWAYS wanted to be a mama.
Yes, T$ and I have been married for almost three years.
Yes, I was done with grad school.
But the reality of actually being depended on for life and nourishment and spiritual feeding scared me to death all in that moment. So instead of telling my unaware T$ in some romantical, pinterest-y way, I shouted at him from the bathroom. Shouted over and over and over until he bound up the stairs, saw the tears streaming down my face in shock and happiness and fear. He held me in his arms. Put the pregnancy test far from my reach. All I could say over and over and over was, "Oh my gosh!" and "Why are you so calm?!" To which T$ would reply, "Because I am sooo excited!"
We've been quietly and happily sharing the news ever since with our closest friends and family. This will be the first niece or nephew, grand-baby, and great-grandbaby for all of our family members. My 6 year old cousin John-Jo excitedly proclaimed that he would like to visit our new baby wearing a cape, sword, and shield and that he would bring something for his new cousin as well.
And now I happily and excitedly share the news with the rest of the world.
Our baby is 12 weeks and 4 days old and growing quietly and carefully in my womb. I am a blessed mama and I have only been one for 3 months. If you're reading this, please pray for this little one, T$, and me.
Baby H is expected to make his/her arrival March 23, 2013!
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| 8 weeks in the Badlands, South Dakota |
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